7 Ways to Winning at Weeing Outdoors

One of the greatest feats for a woman at a festival is to pull off a successful squat without getting caught or without peeing down your legs.

If you’ve ever been to a festival then you’ll understand that point in the day where the portaloos are a no-go and you find yourself with a full bladder and few options. Now it can be a tricky task, especially when you’re about four too many drinks deep, but read on for our Seven Survival Skills to master the squat and happily continue on with the festivities.

1. Check your surroundings

Firstly, make sure you check your surroundings: the last thing you want is to get kicked out of the festival for urinating in public or to get caught off guard by a fellow squatter who is also looking for a spot to pee.

2. Get a Shewee or a stand up device

If you’re a super-prepared festival goer then you should get yourself a female urination device (yes, it’s a thing!). These little foldable devices will save you the hassle from needing to pop a squat in the first place as they allow you to stand up and pee.

3. Location, location, location

At any festival there are two popular non-toilet toilet locations: the first is of course any fence due to its balancing capabilities and being far enough away from the rest of the crowd. The second is among the trees where you’ll get the most privacy, but be warned it is also where people usually do more than just pee. Just remember that as these spots are popular alternatives to portaloos, there will be an increased flow of mud, so you’ll want to keep your balance.

Image of 3 guys peeing at a festival on fence
Source: dtu.dk

4. Get down low

This is where squatting becomes an art – too low and you’ll run the risk of slipping backwards into your own pee (or worse, someone else’s), or not low enough and you’re more than likely going to get pee trailing down your legs and into your shoes. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Gif of Kelly Rowland pointing down
Source: https://giphy.com

5. Choose your wardrobe wisely

Jumpsuit? Cute but a logistical nightmare when it comes to pulling a sneaky squat. Maxi-skirt? For the highly efficient, all that fabric provides a modesty shield. For the inexperienced (or just plain hammered), you’ll seriously just end up with a wet hem and the pervasive smell of urine following you around. Not cute. You want clothes that are easy to manoeuvre, aren’t going to dangle (hello straps), and can be removed from the waist down so your top-half is still covered.

6. Pack sanitary items

Baby wipes are key when going to any festival, especially when you’re making the choice to pee somewhere other than the toilet. If you don’t have wipes then putting a small roll of toilet paper in your bag beforehand will do the trick.

7. Always take a friend

The best advice for any squatter is to always take a friend with you, not only to keep a lookout for creepy pervs taking pictures but also to hold your bag and hold up a jacket. Since peeing in public can make you feel vulnerable, it’s always good to have a little bit of support.


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