What Happens at Schoolies, Stays at Schoolies

Yo school leavers … Congrats on not dropping out, even though it probably crossed your mind once or twice during QCS prep. Now you’re almost ready for a good ol’ fashioned Schoolies celebration.

Gone are the days of dramatic arguments with mates, house parties that get way out of hand and getting at least three guilt free tuck-shop sausage rolls a week. Say hello to freedom, the ‘real world’ etc. etc. At least that’s what they say …

But before all of that, it’s time to let loose for Schoolies Week, b*ches! The final hurrah, a massive celebration for finishing 12 years of torturous schooling. It’s time to live your life out like an American teen movie at Spring Break …

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The sad truth is Schoolies is overrated but this isn’t another hater telling you that Schoolies is sh*t, it’s simply a helpful hand exposing the reality of Schoolies so you can avoid common mistakes and reduce the immense sadness when the ‘best week of your life’ comes to an end.

1. Keep Your Room Key Safe

If you leave your rowdy friend in charge of the room key don’t expect to be seeing it again. The fees for replacing a room key are expensive and you’re not going to have any spare income after the week is out.

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2. Mi Goreng Is Not Food

Mi Goreng noodles and half price packets of Mac & Cheese are not a sustainable food source.

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For those Gold Coast Schoolies looking for a feed that doesn’t consist of red frogs, bubble waffles or breaking the bank … you’re in luck. There’s an abundance of cheap foodie deals so you’ll never have to worry about going hungry.

Monday: Salt Meets Cheese $25 all-you-can-eat pizza

Tuesday: Vapiano $10 lunch specials

Wednesday: The Island $12 weekday lunch special

Thursday: Betty’s Burgers $10 classic

Friday: Govindas $14.90 all-you-can-eat

3. Keep Your Besties Close

The ugly truth: Your best friend at the time might not be your best friend by the end of the week. For some strange reason (tired, grumpy, hungry) Schoolies is cause for massive fallouts between friends. Whether it’s over boys, booze or if you’re in dire need of a nap, catfights happen. so stay civil and pick your battles.

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4. Keep a Clean/Dry Towel Closer 

Day 3: A clean dry towel is worth more than gold at Schoolies. Keep it safe and hidden away at all costs.

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5. Don’t fall in love with your phone charger

There is a 100% chance that it will go missing, along with a few of your favourite tops and lipsticks (aka tip #3).

6. Get SearchParty

Once you leave your apartment you will lose at least one mate on the way to the Beach Festival, usually the one with the key to the apartment. So don’t be silly, download SearchParty with your Schoolies crew beforehand to avoid wasted time searching around Cavill Ave for the brunette wearing With Jean.

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7. Don’t flash your t*ts off the balcony

Don’t use Schoolies as an excuse to run a muck and make some irreparable damage to your reputation. Repeat after me … ‘I need to get a job after Schoolies’. In saying that, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let loose and celebrate finishing 12 years of schooling. Just have a bitta grace about you.

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8. Eat all the vitamins

There’s almost no chance that you won’t get sick so be prepared by going in full force and pump up your immune system to 1000. We know we’re talking to brick wall but ya know – drink water, get sleep, don’t do anything a horse girl wouldn’t do, yada yada.

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9. Being underage isn’t the end of the world

Unpopular opinion: Getting slapped on your mum’s stolen cask wine and doing shoeys with warm beers on the balcony with the boys isn’t the be all and end all of Schoolies. Waking up in a random apartment with a dead phone and a taste of darts and a dodgy kebab is definitely not going to be a highlight.

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10. “I disregarded everything above”

If you decided not to listen to any of the above then at least take one piece of advice. There’s better ways to commemorate finishing school than with a ‘sick’ tatt. Getting ‘I Love Kyle’ removed from your left ass cheek ain’t cute. Go ride the Vomotron like a normal person.

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And there you have it kids, Schoolies exposed. If you take it with a grain of salt we assure you your Schoolies experience is going to be 10x better than old love down the road who’s already booked in for a triple spray tan, Brazilian wax and is going to need her stomach pumped by day 2.

If you’re in the market for cute new ‘fits for your Schoolies drobe? Check our quiz for some serious beach festival inspo.

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